Broken Ties
by rizandace
Summary: The night that Harry Potter becomes The Boy Who Lived, what was his Godfather going through?


**Author's Note: I'm a writer, but this is actually my first delve into the world of Harry Potter fanfiction, though I've been an avid reader of the books since the very start. Please read and tell me what you think of this story! This takes place on the night of Voldemort's original destruction, on the night that Harry Potter became The Boy Who Lived. Told from Sirius's perspective.**

**Disclaimer: Clearly, I don't own Harry Potter. _Duh_. **

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Sirius Black, a devilishly handsome young man of twenty five, was sitting alone in his house at eight thirty at night. Though there was something decisively disappointing about this, it was the way young Sirius had been spending most of his nights lately. James, his best friend, was married to the beautiful Lily Evans, now Lily Potter, and they were constantly busy with their little son Harry. Not that James could have intruded on the Potters had he wanted to, as he had no idea about their whereabouts.

Only their secret keeper could betray their hiding spot, and Sirius had every faith that Dumbledore would have chosen someone trustworthy for the position. Sirius had himself been anxious to take the burden, but Dumbledore had worried that this choice would be too predictable.

He thought of his other friends from school, as something to pass the time away while he sat in complete boredom. Though Peter had been a friend growing up, he had always been the tag-along, never truly an equal with the other three Marauders. It was James, Sirius, and Moony who were the real leaders of Hogwarts back in their day.

Thinking fondly of Remus Lupin, Sirius considered paying his werewolf friend a visit, but glancing out of the window into the darkening sky reminded him that this was impossible. Yesterday had been full moon, and Lupin was only just now back in human form, and he was probably too weak with hunger and fatigue to accept visitors. Being a werewolf did funny things to your health, as Sirius well remembered from their school days, when three of the four friends would transform into a big black dog, a stag, and a rat in order to keep Remus company as he made the painful transformation into wolf once a month.

Sirius thought about the people in his life he wished he could be with; thought about Harry, his Godson who he barely knew because of the necessity of keeping the boy and his parents hidden from Lord Voldemort.

Abruptly, and unexpectedly, a loud bang filled Sirius's silent house. He jumped to his feet, startled, and as the smoke that had filled the room cleared, he saw a single golden feather fall to the ground, tied to a small roll of parchment.

"Fawkes?" Sirius said, marveling. What on earth could Dumbledore have to tell him that was too important for owl post?

Hastily, and somewhat nervously, Sirius ripped open the roll of parchment and read a few hurriedly scribbled lines.

_They've been found. The boy survived, I've sent Hagrid. Stay where you are, the rest of the world doesn't know it wasn't you._

Sirius's eyes flitted across the page once, twice, three times, uncomprehending.

Found… _the boy survived_… but that implied that Lily and James were…

Sirius's stomach dropped and lurched violently. It wasn't possible. It was a lie. Dumbledore was lying.

Completely disregarding the warning to stay put, Sirius ran outdoors and onto a huge black motorcycle, and sped off down the street, letting the bike lift from the ground and carry him through the starry night.

He didn't allow the bike to slide to a complete stop. The moment it was close enough to the ground, he jumped off of it and, stumbling slightly until he could gain his footing, ran hurriedly toward the wreckage that had once been his best friend's home.

"James!" Sirius called out. "James? Lily?!" his voice was hoarse with disbelief and dreaded anticipation, and he felt as if his insides had been doused in icy water when there was no reply.

"Prongs?" he said again, weakly. "James?"

Hastily, not quite aware of what he was doing, he began moving pieces of wood, trying to find something, anything, that would help him find…

"Aaaaaaaaaaghh!!" a loud wail pierced the night air, followed by dry-heaving and loud, gut-wrenching sobs. "No! No!"

Sirius, too in shock to comprehend anything clearly, took several seconds to realize the sounds were issuing out of his own mouth.

He stared down into the open and glassy eyes of James Potter, which had once shown with brilliant and irresistible life.

"James! Oh, my God, oh my God…" Sirius could seem to stem the flow of incoherent words and sobs issuing out of his mouth. Distantly, he heard footsteps running toward him, but he couldn't make himself look up until another voice spoke.

"J-J-J…" a harsh gasp, and a few shallow breaths accompanied Lupin's attempt to say James's name.

"Moony?" Sirius gasped, uncomprehending. "Wha- how are you- how did you know…"

Remus didn't answer, he simply stared down into the unseeing eyes of James, as if waiting for their mischievous best friend to jump up, rumple his hair in his usual fashion, and laugh at them for falling for the joke. He didn't move.

"James… Where's…" Remus seemed unable to complete a sentence, but Sirius understood him perfectly, a by-product of being best friends with him since they were in school.

Remus's fragmented words could be translated into: "Where are Lily and Harry?"

"I don't know. Did… did Dumbledore tell you?" Sirius observed that his voice had taken on an eerie calm. It was as if his body was forcing him to act unaffected by the death of one of the most important people in his life.

"Yes, he-" Remus began. He stopped short, staring at Sirius with mingled grief and horror, and then… revulsion?

"Let's find the others?" Sirius said, and the statement came out as a question.

Lupin gave a curt nod.

A few more minutes of searching brought renewed tears as Lupin and Sirius stared down into the dead face of Lily Potter. They brought, as a tribute to the brilliant love the two had shared, Lily's body over to lie beside James's. They both knew it was what their friends would have wanted.

Their slightly revolting and utterly heart-wrenching task complete, the two distraught friends turned to look at each other.

"I- I can't believe this," Sirius muttered after a few minutes of silence.

"Can't you?" Lupin retorted, his words coming out biting and harsh.

"What?"

"I can't believe that you would… that you of all people… you…"

Sirius had never seen his usually calm and collected friend struggle for words before.

"What?" he repeated, bewildered, and also slightly annoyed. Whatever Moony had to say, couldn't it wait? James had just _died,_ for God's sake…

The truth seemed to sink into him and he felt as if someone had punched him very hard in the stomach. He was not given any time to react, however, because Remus was suddenly yelling at him.

"And they trusted you, too! That's the worst of it! They trusted you with their lives, with their family, with _everything_, and you _SOLD THEM OUT!"_

Sirius, with a slowly dawning comprehension, widened his eyes in horrific understanding.

"Oh, God, Moony, no, you don't understand… It wasn't me, it changed, I wouldn't-"

Lupin didn't allow him to finish. "_Don't_ call me Moony. You make me _sick!_I can't believe I ever called you my friend!"

"No! Moony, seriously, you can't… it wasn't me! I wasn't the one who-"

"You were their secret keeper, Sirius. Who else could have betrayed them?" Lupin's words were now coming through desperately clenched teeth, as if he was forcing himself to remain calm.

"Moony, give me a chance to explain. Listen, I can't loose you, too. I've… I've already lost…" Sirius couldn't bring himself to complete his whispered sentence.

Remus's eyes softened for just a moment at the broken look on Sirius's face, but hardened again just as suddenly. "I understand you're upset. But the fact remains that it's all your fault." He paused, and when he spoke again his voice was loud once more, and harsh. "I would have thought you would've rather _died_ at the hands of Voldemort than sell them out. I would have thought that no amount of torture would have changed your resolve." He paused again, and the next words came out softer. "I guess I never really knew you, after all."

"Moony, you've got this all wrong, Dumbledore and James agreed that it'd be best if we-"

"Stop. Calling. Me. Moony," Remus said through clenched teeth again. And them something suddenly seemed to come to him. "And James even made you Harry's godfather! How _could_ you do this, Padfoot? How?"

Sirius didn't respond, and after a few seconds, Remus knew why. Simultaneously, they both yelled, "Harry!"

Suddenly they were both running everywhere around the wreckage, looking, hoping… Dumbledore had said that Harry had survived… what if he was hurt? Why had they wasted time arguing over stupid nothings when Lily and James's baby was lying somewhere among the broken pieces of his life?

Along with anxiety to find the boy safe, Sirius and Lupin seemed to view their search as a race. Remus had no intention of letting the traitor Sirius anywhere _near_ James's son, and Sirius knew that Remus would stop at no lengths to keep him from Harry.

A wail pierced the air, coming from a spot not too far from where Sirius stood. Carefully moving a piece of wood aside, a bundle of blankets revealed itself, but they were wiggling, revealing a desperately sobbing one-year-old amongst the mass of fabric.

"No!" Lupin yelled, running over to Sirius and Harry. "I won't let you touch him, you evil, you sadistic, you traitorous…"

"Stop!" Sirius groaned. "It wasn't me, Moony, it wasn't me… you _know_ me, Remus, you _know_ me."

"I don't know anything but that I want you as far away from Harry as possible," Lupin said coldly.

"Don't you get it, Moony? We changed the plan! I'm not the secret keeper! Dumbledore didn't tell me who it was, he just said that-"

"Stop _lying_ to me, Sirius. Just stop. I don't believe you. Dumbledore told me it was you. _You_ told me it was you. Who else would James have chosen? It was the obvious choice-"

"See? See?" Sirius interrupted eagerly, picking up the baby and cradling Harry in his arms. "You just said it, Moony. It would have been too much! Too obvious! Voldemort would have known! Dumbledore gave the job to someone else!"  
Lupin paused for a moment, as though tempted to give in. "I- Sirius, I really want to believe you."

"Then believe me. _Believe_ me, Remus!"

Lupin looked indecisive for a moment, but before either of them could speak again, there was a loud _CRACK_ not ten feet away from them. Hastily, both the men pulled out their wands and held them in the direction of what appeared to be a very large, dark mass holding an umbrella.

Through all of the jumbled up mess going through Sirius's mind, it took him a few moments to identify the person who had just apparated.

"Hagrid," Sirius breathed.

"He'll want to take Harry, Sirius. Dumbledore said in his note…" Lupin said, determinedly looking everywhere but at the man holding the baby beside him.

"He's my godson," Sirius said weakly, but Lupin's reaction had proved to him that the rest of the wizarding world was going to hate him in a few short hours, and anyway, how could he go against Dumbledore's orders?

"Sirius? Remus?" Hargrid's loud and booming voice carried across to them as he walked toward them. "Tha' you?"

"It's us, Hagrid," Lupin said, his voice shaking. "We've got the baby."

"It's not true, is it?" Hagrid said gruffly. "'Bout Lily an' James and all tha'."

"Look about three feet to your right," Sirius said in a strained voice, and the half-giant bulk of Hagrid looked over and gave a jump of fright.

"No…" Hagrid said weakly. "Not… it's not…" he was looking, horror-struck, at the two bodies lying next to each other on the ground.

"They're dead," Sirius muttered, wincing as his voice cracked.

"I- I can't believe… When Dumbledore told me… I though'… I though' he must've been wrong, yeh know?"

Lupin nodded at Hagrid. "I know," he whispered.

"I'm supposed ter… ter take Harry to his Aunt and Uncle's house, now."

"His aunt and uncle, but..." Sirius paused, horrified. "You mean Petunia?"

"Yeah, you know 'er?" Hagrid said conversationally, and despite the horrid circumstances Lupin managed a grim smile.

"She's… she… Lily's sister, an awful woman… Muggle…" Sirius trailed off, shivering to show his distaste of Petunia Evans, a horridly stuck-up and bony woman he had met only once.

"Well, Dumbledore's orders, Sirius. My 'pologies, I heard you was the godfather and everything. I still just can' believe Dumbledore coulda' trusted me with sommat this big, this important… great man, Dumbledore, great man…"

"Hagrid, you should probably hurry," Lupin said harshly.

Sirius glared in his direction.

"Righ', righ'," Hagrid, reaching across the space between himself and Sirius to grab the bundle of blankets that Sirius was clutching possessively to his chest.

"Wait, I just want to say goodbye to-"

"Sirius, give Harry to Hagrid," Lupin said sternly.

"But..."

"_Now_, or I'll tell the world what you've done!"

"Moony, you're already going to-"

Hagrid, apparently oblivious to what their conversation actually met, reached forward and plucked the tiny child from Sirius's arms. "I know it'll be hard, an' all, Sirius. But really. When's Dumbledore even led you astray before? You'll get ter be with Harry some day."

Sirius reluctantly nodded his head, and Hagrid turned around and walked a few feet away.

Then, the huge man stopped. "Wait- I shouldn't apparate with a small baby, it's un'eathly for 'em. You know where there'd be a fire and some floo powder…" Hagrid trailed off hopefully.

"No," Sirius said. "No, but you can take my bike. I won't be needing it anymore."

Hagrid look surprised, but Lupin seemed more so.

"What? You _love _that bike! It's your prized possession, it's…"

"Take it, Hagrid. I don't want it," Sirius insisted.

"Well… Thanks, Sirius. Thanks. I'll jus'… go then, I s'pose. I'll… I'll see yeh around."

Lupin waited for Hagrid to disappear with Harry before rounding on Sirius.

"Why would you do that?" he demanded harshly. "Why would you give that up?"

"It'll attract too much attention, Moony. I'm running from all of this. I won't go to Azkaban without a fight."

"Why would you end up in Azkaban if you _supposedly _didn't do anything?" Lupin said, scathingly.

"You're going to tell everyone what you think I've done, aren't you?" Sirius asked him, disbelieving.

Lupin stared at Sirius for nearly a minute before speaking, softly. "I still don't believe you, Padfoot."

Sirius waited for him to continue, and when he didn't, muttered… "O…kay…"

"Run, Sirius."

"Pardon?" Sirius said, unwilling to believe it.

"Go. Disappear. Before I change my mind."

"Thanks-" he started, starting forward towards Lupin gratefully.

Remus flinched away from him. "I'm not doing this for you. James wouldn't have wanted you in Azkaban, no matter what you did to him and Lily."

Sirius let a few fresh tears fall. "'Bye, Moony."

Lupin stared at him and said nothing.

And Sirius ran, ran away from his best friend, dead. His other best friend, who hated him. He ran toward a brief window of freedom that he was being offered. It was to be his last moment of freedom, for the rest of his life.

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**Thanks for reading. Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!! Please review, drop me a note!**


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